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The Benefits of Losing Control

Image by treehouse1977

Once upon a time there was a boy named Milton H. Erickson, who lived on a farm in Wisconsin. Walking home from school one day, he and his friends were overtaken by a runaway horse with a bridle on, covered in sweat, that bolted into a farmer’s yard.

The farmer didn’t recognise the horse, and there was nothing on the saddle and bridle to identify it. The others were at a loss for what to do, but Milton took the lead, asking them to corner the horse so that he could mount it. Once in the saddle he shouted “Giddy up!” but held the reins loosely, so that the horse, not the rider, decided which way to go.

The horse trotted and galloped along, only pausing from time to time when it was distracted by a new farmyard or field. Each time, Milton pulled on the reins and encouraged him to keep moving. They took several turnings, all decided by the horse.

After about four miles, the horse turned into a farmyard and stopped. The farmer came out and stared in amazement.

“So that’s how that critter came back. Where did you find him?” I said, “About four miles from here.” “How did you know you should come here?” I said, “I didn’t know. The horse knew. All I did was keep his attention on the road.”

(Phoenix: Therapeutic Patterns of Milton H. Erickson, by David Gordon)

Years later, when Milton Erickson had achieved fame as a psychotherapist, he liked to tell this story to his students, telling them that doing therapy was a lot like riding that horse. Whatever ideas you might have about the best path for the client to follow, you stood more chance of success by tapping into the wisdom of the unconscious mind – both yours and the client’s. “You can trust the unconscious,” he used to say.

Erickson’s faith in the power of the unconscious mind led him to make extensive use of hypnosis in psychotherapy. He was also very alert to subtleties of body language and to the strange logic behind his clients’ symptoms. He saw the unconscious not as a storehouse of repressed memories and negative emotions, but a treasure-house of creativity and potential waiting to be released.

Over and over again, he encouraged his students to let go of their preconceptions – about clients, about therapy, about human nature – and to trust their unconscious mind to help clients come up with creative solutions to their problems. In this, he resembles a long line of teachers and mentors, from ancient yogis and Zen masters to the gurus of modern popular culture, such as Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid, Yoda in Star Wars and Tyler Durden in Fight Club.

The Buddha compared our situation to a puny rider (the conscious mind) perched on a mighty elephant (the unconscious mind); an inexperienced rider can coax and cajole, but if the elephant decides he wants to go in a different direction, there’s only going to be one winner.

I’m sure you’ve already started to connect the dots with the creative process – so often, we start off with certain ideas about how a piece of work is going to turn out. But if we’re not careful, we can find ourselves ignoring the promptings of our unconscious mind – or inspiration, instinct, Muse, bodymind or whatever else you call it – and the work suffers as a result.

If you’re too wedded to your original plotline, you may miss the dramatic opportunities that emerge as the story unfolds.

If you keep plugging away at a realistic portrait of your subject, you may not spot the dynamic patterns of colour and form you are creating, glimpses of the abstract masterpiece struggling to appear.

If you keep trying to play the character the way you’ve seen her played in other productions, you may not realise that all those ‘mistakes’ are actually nudging you towards a startlingly original interpretation of the part.

And it’s not only artists who are susceptible to this kind of ‘creative blindness’.

If you’re a business owner, you may be so convinced of the value of your current product that you fail to spot the market opportunity in the objections raised by your prospects.

If you’re a teacher, you may not realise that that ‘difficult’ student isn’t failing on purpose, she just has a different learning style to the others in your class.

If you’re an athlete, you can try so hard overcome your limitations at one sport, that you don’t see the killer advantage these very limitations could give you at a different sport.

I’m not saying there’s no value in making plans and applying what you know. You have to start somewhere.

But whenever you set out to do something extraordinary, there comes a point where, like Erickson on the horse, you have to choose between trying to control everything – or letting go and getting carried away by something bigger and more powerful than yourself.

Over to You

Have you ever succeeded by letting go of your preconceptions and allowing your instincts to take over? What happened?

Have you ever screwed something up by clinging too tightly to your original ideas?

Any tips for letting go of your conscious mind and allowing your creative instincts to take over?

About the Author: Mark McGuinness is a Coach for Artists, Creatives and Entrepreneurs. For a free 25-week guide to success as a creative professional, sign up for Mark’s course The Creative Pathfinder.

Mark McGuinness: <em><strong>Mark McGuinness</strong> is a an award-winning <a href="http://www.markmcguinness.com">poet</a>, a <a href="https://lateralaction.com/coaching">coach for creatives</a>, and the host of <a href="https://lateralaction.com/21stcenturycreative">The 21st Century Creative Podcast</a>.</em>

View Comments (25)

  • @ Marcy - "One thing I know for sure, I would want a horse to take me where I am going versus having to walk." :-) I hadn't thought of it like that! You're right, it's a lot less effort when you let [whatever it is] take over.

    @ Uzma - Stay tuned indeed! In every sense.

    @ Paul - Great story! I'm from the UK so I'm assuming a lineman is a big beefy guy. I guess it would be like a prop forward from rugby, I can't imagine one of them pole vaulting!

    @ Matt - Thanks for sharing, I'm a big fan of doing nothing - when I remember to do it. ;-)

  • Amazing post;

    especially loved the Lord buddha parable;)

    I have found that with horse riding as well as elephant riding (have tried both...) the key to stay put is to be present in you legs/thights - which is the equivalent to be grounded...!!! so, when fluttering/clinging/etc for me what works, riding as well as painting, is to let go of the stiffness in the upper body, straightening the spine, let go of shoulders, stretch my neck to get my head high and free, position myself steadfast with my feet on the ground/butt deep in the saddle and breathe deep and steadfast with the tummy... the inner as well as the outer animal feel your presence and feel the balance in the load and walk happily with you wherever you want to go...

    good luck!

  • Thanks, great description! Happy to have the metaphor confirmed without having to get on an elephant myself. :-)

  • I never thought about riding an elephant, but now that I think about it, one day I hope to have the chance. :0)

    I agree with Mariane in using your legs and thighs to be on the horse and straightening your back and having a good posture for the ride.

    This reminds me of how important it is to have a strong back (core) both physically as well as part of our inner being.

    If our back (core) is weak, we may not see the low limb ahead requiring us to lower our head to go under it so we don't get knocked off the horse.

    I believe having a solid core allows all elements to function properly and freely. It is essential to being proactive and creative both personally, professionally and within an organization.

  • Hey,
    I enjoyed this post. I have definitely noticed amazing things when I've 'let go'...in sports (I play basketball) and just in personal life...wanting to control everything is a bad habit I'm trying to shake.

    I like the horse analogy...I'm going to see if I use it next time I'm feeling tense :).

    Thank you,

    Cinthia P.

  • @ Marcy - The same principle of core strength applies in aikido, it's much easier to throw someone with your whole body strength than just your arms!

    @ Cinthia - Glad you like the analogy, hope it works next time you need it!

  • Hey Mark,

    Supercool post - the use of metaphor is fittingly Ericksonian too :)

    In my work, I always encourage clients to cultivate as much of a relationship with their unconscious as possible. It's good for decision making and good for business.

    People struggle to "go with the flow" because their baggage (emotional) comes between them and their unconscious mind's attempts to lead their way.

    In my opinion it's the clearing up of that baggage that makes what you're suggesting possible... And easy.

  • Yep, I originally trained as an Ericksonian therapist, can't shake that metaphorical habit. :-)

    "And easy." - Well, I'll grant you "easier". ;-)

    Intriguing holding page you have there... and great design!

  • hehehe I knew it. James Chartrand (responsible for the hot holding page) pointed me to this article and I bet her that you had had this kind of training.

    Metaphor fascinates me from a psychological point of view. My expertise is a little more focused on the NLP side, but I spent a few weeks hanging out with Steve Gilligan earlier this year. Erickson left a remarkable legacy via that man.

    Keep an eye on the site - the grand unveiling happens after the weekend ;)

  • I swear I didn't hear my name being called...

    Good post, Mark.

    I think the only problem is that many people see this analogy as "go where your mind takes you", but as any good rider knows, you still have to have some control over the horse you're riding.

    They know where they're going, and they'll take you home, but you have to work in tandem as a complete whole and not rider letting the steed wander at will to some miracle surprise.

    I will certainly say that when you do work as a team, you have fantastic journeys. As one, without fighting each other for control.

    And isn't that the point?

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