Image by Johanne Brunet
Cambridge University, 1953. At two o’clock in the morning, a student is sitting at his desk. He has been there for hours.
In front of him is the beginning of an essay. He has been writing it, ripping it up and rewriting it for several days. It’s due to be handed in tomorrow, but he still can’t get past the opening sentence.
He doesn’t understand it. He chose his subject, English, because of his love for poetry and his ambition to become a great poet. But for some reason, it’s getting harder and harder to write those essays. And tonight he’s hit a brick wall.
As he sits there staring at the paper, he hears a noise to his right. Turning, he sees the door opening and a head peering round it. An enormous fox’s head.
Into the room walks a creature that looks like a man with a fox’s head, or a fox walking on its hind legs.
As it gets closer, the young man sees that the fox has just stepped out of a furnace, as if the door had opened direct from hell. Every inch of the fox’s skin is charred and blackened by the fire. Between the cracks in the skin, blood smoulders like molten lava, starting to seep out.
The creature’s eyes are shining with the intensity of its pain.
When it reaches the desk, the fox stretches out its hand – a human hand – and lays it flat on the empty page. It looks into the young man’s eyes and speaks:
Stop this – you are destroying us.
When the hand is lifted, the paper is covered in an intricate print of the palm, in glistening wet blood.
The next morning the student woke and rushed to the desk to look at the blood-print – only to find it had vanished.
But the impression it left was permanent.
The young man went to his tutor and explained that he could not continue with his course. After some discussion, he switched from English to Anthropology and completed his degree. He forgot all about academic literary criticism and went back to writing poems.
The student’s name was Ted Hughes, later regarded as one of the greatest poets of his generation. Four years later, when his first book was published, it contained a poem called ‘The Thought-Fox’, a mesmerising piece about an encounter with a mysterious fox, that became one of the best-known poems of the 20th century.
Is there Someone Knocking on Your Door?
When Ted Hughes heard the voice of his dream-fox, he listened and obeyed, ignoring the dutiful part of himself that felt he should persist with his English degree. But it took a while before he got the message.
Before that dream, he had been experiencing a growing resistance to writing his weekly essays, but had ignored the feeling and soldiered on. Luckily for him, his imagination didn’t give up on him – it sent a messenger to make its demands crystal-clear. And he had the good sense to take it seriously.
Like Hughes, most of us have experienced times when we veer off course in our lives, away from our true calling and talent, and towards paths that look promising but turn out to be dead ends. If we have enough self-awareness, we notice how unsatisfying this feels and abandon the dead-end for more fulfilling way forward.
But we’re not always so responsive to those feelings. And that’s when things start to get nasty.
As we push forward, doggedly sticking with our chosen course of action, we can find ourselves experiencing any of the following:
- disturbing dreams
- anxiety
- depression
- addictive use of alcohol or other drugs, food, gambling, sex etc.
- destructive relationships
- physical illness
When this happens – and if the obvious solutions fail to work – it’s worth asking yourself the following questions:
- Am I really happy with what I’m doing right now?
- Does it give me the opportunity to follow my passion and use my talents to the full?
- Is there something else I’d rather be doing?
- What would be the first step towards a more fulfilling way to spend my time?
Often, taking a few steps to restore some balance in your life and reconnect with your creative passion is all it takes for the symptoms of unease to disappear. Like Ted Hughes’ fox, the symptoms can vanish overnight – but they leave behind a valuable life lesson.
What Have You Learned from Your Dead Ends?
Have you ever experienced a dream, illness or other disturbing episode that turned out to be your imagination prompting you to get back in your creative zone?
What did you do about it?
What did you learn from the experience?
About the Author: Mark McGuinness is a poet and creative coach.
View Comments (29)
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1 2 3 4 Next »Wow, a disturbing story but it's right on. Don't waste your life doing what you're not supposed to be doing.
The feeling that I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing is with me almost constantly, except when doing what it is I'm supposed to be doing =)
Thank you for this eye-opening message.
I believe I'm where I'm supposed to be, but this is a reminder that it's getting time for a good long walk and a good think!
Off to find that poem!
Thanks,
-Mavis
wow - This is great! Exactly what's happening for me right now.
I love that he left a known path and ended up creating a well-known poem. Sometimes we need to step away to get to what we want...
I like this point: Does it give me the opportunity to follow my passion and use my talents to the full? ---- esp. the last part--- 'to the full?'
My five year business is solid - I've enjoyed it. I get to be myself, I make money, set my own schedule and use my talents and creativity. But - lately feelings of restlessness have been here... I think there's another level of interest for me - my next step to answer the - 'use my talents to the full...' part.
Loved reading this today - perfect timing for me. Will help me continue to pay attention to 'the fox'. Does not feel like I've veered off course - so much, just maybe being too dogged in my approach.
Thank you for this... affirming for me...
This really resonated with me, though my revelation was not quite so dramatic.
I studied comparative literature in university, and after doing an honors thesis, I was encouraged to apply to literature PhD programs. I had quite enjoyed writing the thesis because I love analysis and exploring connections... but I realized one day that it felt completely separate from my love of literature. In fact, analyzing literature felt at odds with loving it.
I eventually decided to move to Thailand and give myself time before applying to schools. Over the past year and a half, I've realized that a PhD in literature is absolutely not what I want to pursue -- but here I am working on writing my short stories. Incidentally, social anthropology is also my new interest :)
That is one of the most vivid stories I think I've ever read. And I can relate to all of the "symptoms" of distress from previous jobs I've had. I think I'm doing what is best for me right now based on how many of those symptoms have receded. What a mind-blowing post!
Wow, believe it or not, this post is a sign. I've been getting this stuff for a few weeks now. Time to cut my losses and get on with my music. Oh, and thanks for another great read!
Very cool story. Since I was 25 and my emotions forced me to take notice of my Life, I've been able to rely on my gut, literally. My dad, when younger, also had his stomach give him cues, well, pain. He gave himself ulcers before he realized his life was out of sync with Life. Knowing that, I listened to mine.
"When it gets tight, it ain't right". (Heh, just came up with that this very moment.) Works for me.
Peace.
I think that even when you take what you think is the appropriate steps to follow you dreams and do what you are really supposed to do you can still walk into a dead end.
I started walking into one 3 years ago once I decided to free myself from the boss and do my own thing. I ended up walking into many many different bosses because I followed the money instead of the dream. Again. Even as a freelancer.
We have to be on guard all the time so that we don't fall into the trap over and over again and try to balance our relationship with what has to be done and what we want to do.
Okay, get out of my head.. get out...I would have no career at all if I did not listen to those strange "fox like creatures' that fairly draft us into the better course... as strange as they may seem at the time...excellent excellent story. I did not know this one. Thank you.
I refused to study botany as a child because I wanted to keep my sense of wonder at the beauty of flowers.
I refused to study English in any capacity at higher education instead going down the science/maths/technical side of things for similar reasons.
Part of me always wondered whether I was an idiot to make those choices as it meant I ended up studying subjects that did not come easy to me. But on reading your blog post I feel a bit more vindicated in the decisions I made.
I will now go away and feel smug for a while. I don't get that chance often - so thanks for that ;)
Michele