If you have a creative block you’d like some help with, tell us about it – details in the first article in the series.
There’s a moment in the movie Lost In Translation where Bob (Bill Murray) is explaining to Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) how his relationship with his wife changed after they had children. “The day they arrive,” he says, “your life, as you know it, is gone, never to return.” Whether or not that’s true of life in general, it can sometimes feel as though it applies to your creativity.
The magic ingredients of the creative process are things like focus, concentration and plenty of time to daydream, read books, watch movies, go out to theatres, galleries and other inspiring places. And these are precisely the things that are in short supply the moment you become a parent. Your little bundles of joy become the most important thing in your life, shunting everything else into second place. Once you get on the seemingly endless treadmill of feeding, changing nappies, washing clothes, shopping, school runs, helping with homework and a thousand other things, it can feel like you will never have enough focused time and energy (let alone sleep!) to create outstanding work ever again.
Here’s Shane Arthur’s response to our invitation to tell us about your creative blocks.
I have two kids. I can’t seem to get much work done anymore. I need GTD for kids creative help. Time is my block right now. I need help stealing some back for creative work. I have not done a video tutorial in about a year.
Shane Arthur, Creative Copy Challenge
I know how you feel Shane. Last night we went to bed a couple of hours later than usual (Mad Men on DVD can be pretty addictive) which inevitably meant my kids would wake up and demand their breakfast an hour early this morning. So I’m sitting here minus three hours of sleep, and somehow I need to come up with the goods for you in this article. 🙂
I’m feeling slightly hesitant about writing this piece, as I’ve been a parent for just under a year, and I know you’ve been at it a lot longer than me, so compared to you and many other Lateral Action readers, I’m a mere beginner!
I’m also aware that everyone’s circumstances are different, which makes me wary of generalising from my own limited experience. My wife and I hit the jackpot and had twins last year, which feels like being thrown in at the deep end. But when I consider the challenges faced by the single parents out there, I’m tempted to conclude we have it easy.
However, I have picked up a thing or two in the past year, from my own experience and talking to other parents, so I’ll share what I’ve learned so far with you — and I invite all the parents in our audience to please leave a comment with a tip or piece of advice based on your own experience of juggling childcare and creativity.
Stop Harking Back
Parenthood brings plenty of external obstacles to focused work, but one of the biggest barriers is in your mind. It’s frustrating enough when you can’t devote the entire day to work, but you make it much worse for yourself if you keep comparing life now with the way things used to be.
Another common pitfall is to put too much pressure on yourself to perform to the same standards under radically different conditions. If you’re responsible for childcare, even for part of the day, it’s simply not realistic to expect yourself to churn out the same quantity and quality of work as you used to. So don’t use it as a stick to beat yourself with!
As Bob said, the past is gone, never to return. You can only deal with what’s happening now. So stop comparing and pining for your old routine, and start focusing on what’s realistic and possible for you today.
And go easy on yourself — instead of berating yourself for not achieving as much as you used to, give yourself credit for being a committed parent, and see whatever work you manage to produce as a positive achievement. Paradoxically, your productivity is likely to increase when you stop putting pressure on yourself.
Find the Gaps
A few months ago I was on a panel of writers, and heard an amazing story from one of my fellow panellists, a very successful novelist. She shared her experience of being a single mother to a child with special needs, which meant she only had one hour a day to herself, while her little boy was receiving a one-to-one tutorial. The moment the tutor sat down to work with her son, she dashed upstairs and started typing furiously away at her first novel. It took her many months, but she succeeded in completing the book in an hour a day — and the book’s success launched her career as a writer.
I live just outside London, which isn’t exactly renowned for its transport infrastructure. I know lots of people who complain about commuting into town and the inefficiencies of the tube system. Not me. I hardly ever get on a train without a book or notebook, or a podcast loaded onto my iPhone. To me, travelling time is a little oasis in the day, which I can happily devote to learning or writing. I must be one of the few people in the country who sometimes takes the slow train out of choice!
However constrained your daily routine, look closely and you’ll find pockets of dead time that you can bring to life with bursts of focused work. It’s no substitute for having the whole day to yourself, but it’s amazing how much better it you’ll feel if you spend even a few minutes a day working towards your goals.
Cut the Fluff
All kinds of unnecessary fluff finds its way into our working day — frittering away time on irrelevant websites, checking e-mail, unproductive conversations and pottering about your home or office instead of knuckling down to work. Once you have kids, you realise you just don’t have time for that stuff.
Remember the novelist dashing upstairs and typing furiously the moment she got the laptop booted. I’m not quite that quick off the mark, but my morning ‘warm-up routine’ — coffee, Google reader, checking in on Twitter and my web stats — has got considerably shorter since I’ve been responsible for getting the kids up and making their breakfast before work.
Have a good look at your working day, and see how many minutes you can shave off by giving up a few digital distractions and cutting down on ‘busywork’.
Get Help
You’re probably doing this already, but I want to emphasise the point, particularly for the new parents out there. Unless you’re superhuman, you’re not going to be able to do all of this yourself. Swallow your pride and accept any offer of help you can get! And don’t be afraid to ask either.
My wife and I have established a daily childcare routine, so I know the times when I’m ‘on duty’, and can therefore focus on work the rest of the time. None of our parents live nearby, but we’ve been very grateful when they’ve come to stay for ‘working holidays’, helping out with the kids and household to give us some time off. And friends who offer to babysit are instantly canonised. 🙂
Another more subtle form of help comes from spending time with others in a similar situation. I’ll never forget going to a first birthday party a few months after our children were born. After a few months of feeling pretty isolated in our flat with the children, it made a huge difference to talk to other parents in the same boat. And the forums of the Twins and Multiple Births Association are a fantastic source of twins-related information!
Spend time with other parents, to share experiences and solutions, and offer mutual support and encouragement. Even better if you can find parents in the same line of work as you. And complement real-life meet ups with online parenting communities.
Savour Your Work
I have a friend who is a single parent working in a high-powered job. He tells me it feels like light relief to go to work on a Monday morning. I know how he feels. I love spending time with my kids and I certainly don’t have my challenges to seek at work. But it always feels like a relief — even a treat — when I close my office door, or take the stage in front of an audience, and start work.
Make the most of whatever time you get to spend on your work. And if you do find yourself harking back to the past, maybe you could remind yourself of the times you used to procrastinate, complain or waste time during your working day. Compare that to now, when you see how precious your work is. Enjoy it!
Learn from Your Kids
Children are exciting, unpredictable, full of energy, frustrating, contradictory, hilarious, fascinating, perplexing, mysterious and utterly priceless.
Does that remind you of anything?
Surely we could easily replace the words “children are” with “creativity is” and that sentence would ring just as true?
No wonder the Romantic poets believed children were the embodiment of the imagination. Maybe we should take a leaf out of the Romantics’ book and welcome the disruptive, unsettling and unforgettable intrusion of children into our neatly ordered lives, and learn to be grateful for the creative chaos and disruption they bring?
Well, I hope that’s been some help. You might also like to revisit an earlier article from the creative blocks series, How to Find Time for Creative Work, and a piece I wrote last summer called 9 Productivity Lessons from the First 2 Months of Parenthood.
And Tony Clark of the Lateral Action team has a lot more experience of parenting than I do, so I can highly recommend you check out two of his articles, Balancing Work and Family as a Home-Based Entrepreneur and The Myth of the Sleeping Baby and other Fallacies for the Work at Home Parent.
Let’s Hear from the Parents!
This is a huge challenge with no simple solutions. So if you’re a parent who has never left a comment on Lateral Action before, I’d suggest today is the perfect time for you to step out of the shadows and share some of your hard earned wisdom about getting creative things done in the midst of looking after the kids.
How do you find time for creative work as well as looking after the kids?
What creative lessons have you learned from your children?
About the Author: Mark McGuinness is a creative coach with over 15 years’ experience of helping people get past their creative blocks and into the creative zone.
My favorite part is the last part about children inspiring creativity. My three daughters are now aged 15, 18 and 20, but I really do remember the physically demanding stages of their lives. From birth to about age 7, it is all about maintenance. As a parent, the bulk of your time is allocated to the physical upkeep for/on behalf of other people.
However, that said, learning when to forego vacuuming in order to watch a play written and performed by my kids inspired me. Reserving a night where the girls put on skits based on the tag-sale outfits kept in a box for such an occasion helped me to learn their sense of humor… Being able to tune in to their POV (literally and figuratively – their perspective is based on 2-4 feet shorter than I am; therefore, they could literally see things I could not) helped expand my painting.
Parenting is drudgery: largely thankless, minutiae-driven slogging, fraught with self-doubt and worries that your are inspiring future therapy sessions…
But it is also the single most defining and developmental event I’ve had the priviledge of experiencing.
I’m a single parent with two girls (aged 5 and 17). I built Men with Pens through hard work, no daycare for the first three years, and even then, it was part time. My time was hugely limited. Toss in house chores, personal time, family, friends, odd things you have to get done in a day and…
Yeah. Look. No one’s superman (or woman). You find ways to make it work, and you don’t beat yourself up for the stuff you can’t do perfectly. My house isn’t always spotless, my kids sometimes watch TV while I work and we do eat fast food when I can’t afford to cut out for two hours to make them from-scratch stuff. I take my laptop to friends’ houses and work while getting some R&R. I read at the playground while my kid plays. I get up early every morning while the two sleep.
And sometimes, it doesn’t work out and it’s frustrating and you get irritated and what can you do? Nothing – so it’s not worth stressing over.
Say to hell with it, do what you need to do and know that IT’S OKAY.
Other things that worked for me.
Schedule time (like Mark said, an hour a day will do it). Treat yourself like a client. STICK TO IT.
Let kids make a mess with goo or playdoh or mud while you work – they have fun, you get time, and the cleanup’s just killing two birds with one stone because you can stick them in the bath.
Work at the park – get mobile, take the kids and get out. You’d be amazed how great this is to get stuff done.
Ask friends and family to give you an hour’s time when you really need a hand.
Trade with them – when you have an hour, give back. (Two birds; one stone – you get R&R)
Focus on what you appreciate about having kids each time you start to resent them. Two positives for every negative.
Sorry to say that trading kids for money doesn’t seem to be popular these days… hence why it didn’t make the list. 🙂
Everything you’ve mentioned is so true. Thanks Mark.
I’ve stopped harking back. I now realize I need to get up earlier than usual to steal quite time away for creative work.
I’ve also learned I need to take micro-breaks of about 1 minute each where if the kids are busy, I’ll stop by the computer, quickly check emails and outline projects for later; these minutes add up. And I only watch half the amount of television I used to. I divide this new time with kids and work.
The biggest breakthrough for me was learning how to get work done when I’m exhausted, which is always. I would sit there telling myself there was no way I have the strengtht to finish this project right now, so I’d just forget about it until the next day. It wasn’t until I told myself, “Just open the program and see what happens,” that I could finish my work. I set my goal, not to finish the file, but to simply open the program that I’d use to complete the file. Once opened, I usually typed a few words, which lead to a few more, which lead to a few more. Worked like a charm.
I used to watch television to fall asleep, too. Not anymore. I now get free audio books from the library and listen to them at night. This satisfies my insatiable desire to read and is my own private creative relaxation/stimulation time.
Kim & Jason Kotecki do a great job writing about how to responsibly “escape adulthood,” including staying creative while raising their daughter. They have a book and a variety of other products, plus a ton of free articles: http://kimandjason.com/blog/
‘The pram in the hall is the enemy of creativity,’ was Cyril Connolly’s famous statement about this — though all he ever created was criticism. As a mother, this always sounded crazy to me. Surely our children are our most important creations?
It seems to me a very male slant on art and life. For me, creative intelligence means bringing creative engagement to everything we do, not just our work.
Can I offer a poem I wrote about this? I was listening to a writer on the radio talk about how, when he was coming to the end of book, his wife would leave his food outside the study door for him. My first thought was, ‘I wish I had wife’. but afterwards, this emerged:
Life’s Work
The great Artist is at work.
Around his house, his children move in whispers, while
his wife lays down a dinner tray,
tells that it’s there
with two soft taps – no more – upon the study door.
The great Artist begs his work
to yield to him, to offer up its answers, while
outside, his children move away
(as children always will, towards play)
and food that took
an hour to cook – or more – turns cold upon the floor.
Thanks Mark for a stimulating post, as ever. Looking forward to the workshop on Wednesday.
Orna
My kids are almost all out of the house – so lack of sleep because of their interruptions are luckily no longer an issue.
I also had children in my 20s, when I did not have enough of a career to be obsessed with it but here is my take on this.
If you immerse yourself in parenthood and you try to do “it right” (impossible!!) you end up more creative.
When I read to them every night I read books that never would have made my reading list. I looked at bright pictures and read funny, poetic words. It was fun!
I turned off the TV – for their sake – and I benefitted also.
I helped them with school projects – its liberating to only make it good enough to pass as a 3rd grader.
We had dinner together – and people talked…
The list could go on but I think you get the idea…
Good advice! I must’ve followed some of it unconsciously while my daughter was small, because I came up with stuff at the same rate as before, even more sometimes. But these times were so hectic that I don’t even remember how I coped…
I have three children, two of whom have just entered adulthood, the other not far behind. I had my first within a half a year of graduating college, which was quite a shift in my me-centered routine.
I was a weaving major in college. Once I had a child, weaving was out of the question because each part of the process took so much time that I wouldn’t be properly attending to the baby. I grumbled and whined about this for a bit, but eventually took up sewing and embroidery – two things I could do with short bursts of time and throw down in an instant when the baby needed me.
Through the years, I became skilled at knowing when I had to immediately respond to a kid crisis and when I could continue on with what I was doing and concentrate on it while half-listening to the kids.
Through not trying to keep the kids entertained with my presence on a continual basis, they all learned how to keep themselves busy with their own projects. If one of them ever came to me and said, “I’m bored,” I was always ready with a household task. As soon as I assigned a job, the bored kid would magically no longer be bored.
When you’re in the middle of the little kid years, it can seem as though you’ll never have time to yourself again, but very quickly, that time passes and you start wondering, “Where are they? The house is too quiet.” Enjoy them while you’ve got ’em.
LOL! Thank you Mary, for the chuckle. My kids soon overcame their boredom as well. Nothing like indentured servitude to spur creativity in children. 🙂
I’m a single father to two kids – and I’ve long been a proponent of saying “life, as you know it, will never be the same…” even more so AFTER my wife left me.
That being said – a good friend of mine always said (before his daughter was born) that our children are our greatest teachers, as you never realize what you know until you’re forced to show it to someone else – and this is very true.
I dedicate the time I have with my kids to be with them (3 years and 7 months old). But My oldest’s imagination is truly inspiring – he loves to try to play guitar, mimic moves, sing, dance around – the creativity and inspiration is *THERE.*
No doubt – some people feel the suck on their time – which is why I sometimes hire a sitter (or call a relative) to watch my boys for a little while so I can go get inspiration in any form – quiet time, a museum, a movie, a performance – whatever I feel I need, to “recharge.”
Like some have said – having kids merely causes you to initially grumble, but then become better as you learn to master being a parent and being creative (and as such, finding creative ways to continue with your creativity).
As a parent of four, I can completely relate to your post. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that “once you’ve got two, one more doesn’t make a difference.” I love each and every one of my kids and wouldn’t trade a one of them for the world. But the birth or adoption of each child definitely changes the family dynamics.
That has meant that I, as a work-at-home parent, have needed to make adjustments with each child. And, you’re right. There’s no use pining away for the way it used to be. You’ve got a new reality! Just keep moving forward.
At one point, what really worked for me, was to get up an hour before everyone else and work. Since I’m a morning person, this was great. I got a lot done in those 60 minutes, because I knew that I had too. The only downfall is if you stay up too late the night before. LOL A lesson that I’ve had to learn too many times.
I too breathe a sigh of relief when the little angels go off to school everyday. I often feel like I’ve put in a full day before they even get out the door! But now they’re going to be home with me for the remainder of the summer, and I’ll be working a lot at night. Maybe I should report back later, how this most recent change goes. 😉
Finally, though, what’s most important is to enjoy them and spend time with them everyday. They grow up way too fast. I know because my oldest is 19 and it hardly seems like it’s possible. Always remember what matters most.
Julie
My son had colic and slept less than 40 minutes at a time for the first 18 months – then went on to not sleeping through the night until he was 5yrs old and becoming a sole parent. Both he and I were sleep deprived, he thrived and I didn’t!
But I still took time to lock myself away in the bathroom for 10 minutes every day to write and this was my only sanity in the early days!
Years later I read Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK) on micromovements and realised I was already highly proficient at this style of getting work done.
It did get easier as he got older. I wrote my first book while I took him to Dragonball Z competitions across the city.
And it helped enormously when I banned TV for him for a year because his grades were not good enough when he was 15 – instead I took him to guitar lessons and soccer and wrote while he was training! Many glorious hours there – Thank you God!
It does get better as the years pass and I consider myself very fortunate I have a wonderful son and have learned to not be precious about my creativity – if I have an idea I’ll find anywhere to write and am able to get the idea down quickly.
These concentrated mini spurts seems to work for me and I find that even though I have more time now I still seem to do the creative process in this manner. It is the editing part of my work that I will give a longer time to.
So my tips are:
Take your time where you can get it.
Be willing to change how you do things.
Make the best of what you can do when you can do it.
Don’t beat yourself up or feel envious of others – it’s wasting precious time!
Enjoy being a creative parent – your in for a great ride and children do improve our ability to be creativity by engaging with what they see and understand in the world – their viewpoint counts.
And sometimes you jus thave to sleep and dream instead!
Thank you for this article and I would love to hear more suggestions from parents who have (and haven’t yet) made their peace with the fact that life is different when you have kids.
I have an almost 4 year old autistic daughter. Love my little girl dearly, but sometimes I feel guilty because I want to spend time with my computer, curled up in a corner of my bedroom, all alone writing. Then when I spend time with her, I feel guilty because I’m not writing. My time management skills are sorely lacking and any suggestions or ideas that you might have… please share! 🙂
Great Article.
I was up all night working. After I put the kids to bed I saw that I had a little emergency from one of my clients. So today I have only slept a few hours and have to get back at it. For me what is really good to know is that I am not the only person who does this every once and a while.
But I have never allowed my kids to get in the way of being creative and I have a few tricks.
1) Show them what you do. It’s amazing to them and they will become fans as soon as they are able to grasp the tiniest part of your work.
2) Don’t clean the house as soon as they go to bed. Give it at least 2 hours. Then only clean that which may be to difficult a problem in the morning.
3) Play with your kids like crazy. We have approximately 3 or 4 hours a day where we can truly dedicate to the family. If I spend those hours focused on them the majority of the time they will forgive me the odd time I have to go focus on something else. You can also feel guilt free about doing your own thing if you family has hung out or even better the energy boost is great too.
4) Get rid of cable. Your kids don’t need it. They need you. I have a 5 year old who hangs out with me. Not the TV. So now my biggest fan hangs out with me, is learning to do what I do, and gives me a big hug every night before I head off to get more done.
If having kids spells the end, one wasn’t really creative in the first place — one was simply productive.
Children are springboards or fodder. In the end, it’s your own discipline that makes or breaks what you do.
Love the musings in the article. The only thing constant in parenting is change. Children are physically demanding when they are young, yet psychologically demanding as they grow older. Both ends keep you on your toes!
Great great article! It’s like story of my life. I have learned to group similar tasks and get them done in small blocks of time. In the end, I feel like I do accomplish more, even with the added kids-related responsibilities.
I agree with another commenter about cable TV, I feel like I can get so much more done without the temptation of worthless reality shows, your kids don’t need it and neither do you!
I don’t know how old Shane’s kids are, but I think he may be using them as an excuse. Hasn’t done a video tutorial in a year because of the kids? Really? Have you watched tv in that year? Read a book? Done any hobbies? I know I’m being harsh here – and I suspect Shane’s problem is overwhelm and disorganisation more than anything – but if something is important then you’ll find a way to do it.
The question here is not whether kids spell the end to your creativity as much as it is about a different kind of time management and organisation.
Kids bring a huge change to anyone’s life and very few people are prepared for it. When you work for yourself the impact is even greater. It’s so easy to be caught up in sleep deprivation and feeling like you’re constantly behind and running in circles.
Everyone else here has made some great suggestions for finding time and working around kids. All I’m going to add is that you chose to have kids. You love them. Be careful of your attitude here, don’t resent them for the disruption they cause by simply being here. They’re the reason you do what you do.
And remember, no matter what, kids get older and life gets a LOT easier!
Wow, thanks everyone, a wealth of great advice here. I can see this is one piece I’m going to have to bookmark myself. 🙂
And interesting to see so many of us going through a stage of resisting/resenting/complaining and coming through in to acceptance (at least some of the time!).
@ mckra1g – I misread your comments at first and though you said “painting is drudgery” instead of “parenting is drudgery”. Maybe a Freudian slip that reveals another link between the two! 😉
@ James – Sounds like perfectionism is the enemy of parents as well as writers. 😉 Great tips for keeping it at arm’s length.
@ Shane – Particularly glad you like it. And I can definitely relate to “learning how to get work done when I’m exhausted”!
@ Karl – Thanks for the recommendation.
@ Orna – Love the poem! (And I’m very particular about poems, as I’m sure you know.) Look forward to meeting you at the workshop on Wednesday.
@ Janey – Very good point. We want the best for our kids, and it often reminds us of what’s best for us too.
@ iordace – Sounds like one of those cases where you don’t know what you’re capable of until you have to do it…
@ Mary – I’m definitely going to remember that cure for boredom. 😉
@ keif – You hit the nail on the head with “creative ways to continue with your creativity” – lots of parenting creativity in evidence in all these comments.
@ Julie – Well I’ve got two, and the thought of one more sounds like a BIG difference! And people keep telling me how quickly they grow up so I’m focused on making the most of it while I can.
@ Melody – Seriously impressed with your approach to sleep deprivation. And good point about not being precious about our own creativity, not always easy to practice!
@ Michael – Great tips. Re point 1, my son is already fascinated by the computer, not sure he’s ready to be let loose on it yet…
@ Kari – I wrote a whole e-book on Time Management for Creative People which you can download for free, although I should make the disclaimer that I wrote it before I had kids!
@ Glenda – Yes, that’s made me realise it’s easy to use kids as an excuse for not working, a form of Resistance.
@ Shirley – I guess there’s some truth in the saying ‘if you want something done, give it to a busy person’. Having kids forces you to become more organised and productive, so maybe we can indeed achieve more.
@ Melinda – It’s funny I just wrote my response to Glenda re Resistance, then refreshed the page and saw your comment. You’re right that we really treat something as important then we’ll find a way to do it.
Re attitude and resentment – I think it’s great that many of us have been honest about the feelings of resistance/resentment that inevitably come up at the sharp end of dealing with kids; but my impression reading through the comments is that we all recognise that it’s ‘our stuff’, something for us to work through, without letting go of the fact that – as you say – we chose them and are lucky to have them in our lives.
This post is an excellent reminder that we are not our work. I agree that rising earlier than the rest of the household makes for a quieter studio. When my little girl was two, I would include her scribbles in my collage pieces and I had forgotten that over the last few years; I will resume that practice, although she no longer scribbles.
Terrific article, Mark, and many great comments.
My kids have given me more creativity and opened so many more doors for me than I’ve lost in productive time. Museums, books, TV programs that we shared. That’s not to say I haven’t been a sleep-deprived, all or nothing, world class whinger and complainer about what I can and can’t get done. I even got on my own nerves.
Best website and online help I ever found – life changing for me, in fact, – was http://www.flylady.net Great way of learning that 15 mins can make a difference and reconciling the things we love to do with the things we need to do to keep hearth, home and sanity intact. Also fantastic for helping children buzz around and learn some very useful stuff as they get older – all done with a great deal of joy, fun, individuality and creativity. And free!
Mick and Keith said it best – ‘you can’t always get what you want… but you get what you need.’
What took me by surprise is that going from one child to two children in the house took as much adjustment as going from none to one! (Wonder what none to two in one step feels like, Mark?)
My children are 26 and 20. I am a writer and I chose to become a dad. I look back at all the times I said that I stopped writing my novel because I had children–and I realize it was all a cop-out.
The reason I didn’t write my novel was because I didn’t write my novel.
Period.
To blame kids for a lack of productivity is a mark of weakness.
Besides, having children is the ultimate act of creativity.
It’s true that time seems to slip through your fingers once you have children…no time for friends, no time for date night, no time for errands, and any work that needs to be done is usually put on hold until 10pm when the household is quiet (thank goodness I’m a night owl). 7am always comes as a rude awakening.
However, I’ve found that having a child has actually improved my creativity. Whether it was sitting on the floor playing blocks when he was 1, digging on the beach when he was 3, reading a different bedtime story each night in a different funny voice, or curling up to watch his favorite dinosaur videos ad nauseum, I have been inspired just sharing small moments with my child.
One blustery night I was holed up in my office, beating myself up because I couldn’t come up with a theme for a keynote at a creativity conference (no pressure there). My 4-year-old son popped in all cute-like in his jammies and asked me to watch Planet Earth’s episode on deep sea creatures with him. It was in that moment that I found the inspiration for my keynote. After my son went to bed I developed the entire presentation and corresponding interactive exercises within a couple of hours.
Now that he’s 6 we play all kinds of creative games — playing the ABC game to different themes like foods, places, made-up monster names or gibberish words. We also “piggyback” ideas in creating our ideal home or amusement park (yes and…), and I’ve even had him come up with points of departure/stimulus when I design ideation sessions. He’s having a blast and I’m getting my work done!
I’ve become more creative because I’m inspired, and continually challenged, by the ultimate source of creativity…a child.
I’m not a parent, but I understand the “finding the gaps.”
For some reason, the more I have on my plate, the more productive I seem to be. I think it’s because I’m more aware that I have less time and I cut out a lot of the fluff as a result.
I get inexplicable pleasure if finding the hidden moments of the day when I can work. Amidst my bag of tricks are carring a notebook in every bag, always having pens handy in various spots throughout the house, and, when necessary, locking myself in the kitchen to cook while my husband watches the kids with my computer or draft open so I could read or write while stirring.
My frustrations – lack of time, constant interruption, lack of sleep, etc – that come from being a parent are not the problem. The distractions are inherent. My reaction to the distractions has been the problem – like irritation, escapism, harking back – and that has what has forced me to use creativity to be more creative. As @Glenda Worrell commented above, “If having kids spells the end, one wasn’t really creative in the first place — one was simply productive,” I totally agree. Having kids has upped the ante. I have to be creative to be creative and there’s more joy in my life as a result of it.
I had to change what and how I was creating.
As a computer programmer (oh, all right, tinkerer), getting an hour maximum away from the childcare to be creative wasn’t working for me because by the time I’d:
1 booted up
2 recreated working environment
3 found where I’d left off
4 got my code flowing to a level where production was possible
the time would almost always be up. It would usually be up around item #3, getting past #4 and into actual production was a super-rare occurrence. This was very frustrating.
However, it turns out that having lack of time really helps focus the mind on what’s important.
I discovered I didn’t want to program as much as I wanted to play piano.
And I didn’t want my children to remember me as that bad-tempered guy who seemed to think their names were “go away” and “I’m busy”
So I’m learning piano instead.
It’s much more sympathetic to the rhythms of looking after small children because:
* you can start as soon as you sit down – there’s no startup delay
* even a practice session as short as 5 minutes can be useful and productive – add a few of these up over a day and your practice hours total gets quite respectable
* you can follow it away from the piano – in books, tapping out rhythms and even playing in your head so journeys, parks, sitting in on the ‘scary’ bits of Disney DVDs all become opportunities for creativity.
So I would say that a lot of being creative with children is what you choose to be creative with.
Some things, like programming, at least for me, absolutely require significant periods of seclusion, silence and concentration (and good luck with that now you’ve got children!).
So you need to be sure that the environment that supports how and what you create is realistically achievable in a home with children. And if not, find another way.
@ Michael – “we are not our work”. Agreed, and it’s so easy to get sucked into forgetting this…
@ duckpaddling – I like the idea that kids open more doors (creatively and otherwise) than they close. And as for going from none to two, let’s just say it’s been intense!
@ Doug – Thanks for the wise appraisal. Sounds like another example of Resistance in action! And when I look at my kids I can heartily agree with you about the ultimate act of creativity.
@ Susan – Great example. Creativity is often about noticing the opportunities around us, not just focusing on the downside.
@ Amy – Thanks for reminding us it’s not just the parents who are up against it. 🙂
@ Rose “Having kids has upped the ante.” That’s it in a nutshell. We can’t indulge ourselves as much, or (ahem) kid ourselves on. It’s easier to see what’s really important, which leaves the question: are we going to rise to the challenge or not?
@ Simon – Another great example, thanks. It reminds me of a friend who became a (very very good) writer when her children came along and she couldn’t sustain working in the theatre, because paper and pen were easier to slot into the day than hours of rehearsals.
@Mark, I’ll print it out and read it 🙂 Maybe one day I can write a Time Management for Parents ebook 🙂
I agree with a lot of you who say it’s a cop-out to blame your child. I’m working toward being more productive and cutting out the “junk” stuff that I do that is not as important. Sometimes though, it’s hard–and kids DO change your entire life around.
As I’ve often told my husband, it’s not that I’m wanting complete absolution from the situation–I know that ultimately it’s my responsibility to do things and if I really want to do them, then I will. What I want is recognition–for someone else to say, “Yeah, I can understand where you’re coming from. That is hard.”–and then encouragement–“But you know what? You’re doing great. And I’m sure you can do even better.”
Does that make sense? I appreciate being beaten about the head with my lack of time management skills–but once the problem is acknowledged, it’s time for encouragement 🙂
Hi, I’m Kari and I’m a parent. 🙂
I have written multiple novels, screenplays, and worked on web sites all in my spare time while raising two children with my wife. What I truly gave up was watching television and movies. Before kids, we had two nights a week, at least, where we just sat and watched. Now I just join the kids and watch what they watch. It helps me understand their world, connect with them, and, considering this is America, it’s quality time.
I also give up on sleep and get certain chores done after they are asleep at night, and get up before they do in the morning to give myself a chance to be creative.
It’s been far from ideal, but it has kept me intact. I’m deeply frustrated, but I still feel like I’m in the game and poised to make a career out of a creative outlet.
So the real linchpin is to not give up. You can’t give up on the kids, and you can’t give up on yourself.
Your suggestions are great and a necessity if you are going to steal some creative moments for yourself. Everybody else comments are extremely helpful too and I think I’ll be coming back to this post often.
I’m right in the thick of it right now and my kids are 5 and 7 (although it’s much easier now than when they were babies – but it’s still busy).
My big one is to not worry about the sleep deprivation – you may feel lousy but you can work through it (and maybe even forget about it for few moments throughout the day).
My husband also bought me some Japanese brush pens which not only are really cool but easier to pull out when you have a few moments instead of an easel and paint. I also do most of my drawing on a tablet computer as that is also easier when you are short on time and there is no clean up after.
The biggest problem now is they love the tablet and are always trying to steal it from me!!! I do have to hide the pens too! I’m always losing art supplies if they are left out in the open.
As far as writing goes, I don’t get the long expanses of time that I used to and write in shorter spurts. I’m working on a book right now and it’s getting written one paragraph at a time – but those paragraphs are starting to add up!
Thanks for the post and all the suggestions.
Does having kids spell the end of your creativity?
No.
It might spell the end of your sanity, but sometimes that can FEED your creativity, so no worries there.
My daughter is six and I’ve been a single mom for the last three years. In those 36 months, my creativity has actually blossomed. I went from working as a Web dev project manager (which, don’t get me wrong, required some major creativity, just not the type I wanted to have to exercise) to being a full-time marketer and writer. I also started singing on stage, wrote my first NaNoWriMo (google it 🙂 novel, and joined a fiction writers’ group to start work in earnest on my first “real” novel.
My days are jam-packed from 5AM when I get up to do yoga, cruise the blog scene, and maybe do a little writing until 11PM or midnight when I fall into bed with my iPhone and a hope and prayer that my darling daughter sleeps soundly through what’s left of the night. It’s not always easy, but being a parent has inspired me to start building the life I want – for me and for my daughter – in earnestness. The passion in my heart to create a wonderful life for us pushes me past my fears and my doubts. Motherhood has been a much-needed kick in the pants. 😉
As for finding the TIME to be creative, I think all your tips are great. The bottom line for me is that it’s not about FINDING time as much as it is about MAKING it. You have to want it. Bad. When you do, you’ll make the time. Trust me.
🙂
Hear, hear.
I am the parent of a two year old and I am lucky enough to have been able to be with her most of the time since she was born. It has been a wonderful experience and I am not looking forward to the time she heads off to daycare or school – whichever comes first. We have a part-time nanny which allows me to do a few things of my “own” – apart from keeping the house together, this is sitting at the kitchen table trying to learn how social media works.
Had I not had Jane, I would still be sitting at a desk somewhere slogging away at some desk job. With the fortune of being able to afford a nanny, I have been able to start something totally new and exercise a part of my brain that otherwise would never have been opened. And I get to have the joy of hanging out with her the rest of the time.
Having kids has actually allowed me to think and do other things because it forced me to reorganize how my life is structured. This is not bad. Just different. And I am better for it.
Thanks for the thoughtful post.
the other thing to think about is what kids offer – a totally different perspective, an insight into a life you never knew about before, a chance to look at things afresh through their eyes. if creativity is partly about new frames of reference and gathering new ways of thinking, then surely having kids is the best way to shake up the way you think?
The recognition that there are (at least) 3 distinct ways of spending time with your family has helped me maintain some creativity. Planning for these has freed us from guilt from not meeting the kind of mythical super-parent standard that modern society seems to demand – because each of the three types of time have quite a different expectation.
The highest level of expectation is reserved for those events which are the also the least frequent – those ‘quality time’ events such as a visit to somewhere special, or watching a film together as a family.
The second level are those family rituals such as eating together or bedtimes which are pretty similar from day-to-day. I suppose these might also include visits to relatives, friends, music and sports lessons.
The third level I’ve heard referred to as ‘mooch time’ (there’s probably a book about it – if so, I haven’t read it) – we’re all still together but on our own personal agenda – playing, pottering, gardening, reading, online and offline, that sort of thing.
Blending all three of these have helped us stay sane as parents, maintain some sense of our personal creativity whilst also giving the children some different kinds of time in which they can be creative in their own ways.
Great post – I really enjoyed reading all the comments too – there’s such a wealth of experience to tap into out there…!
@Steve – those three distinct ways to spend time with family are really useful to consider! Thanks for sharing that strategy.
@ Kari – If you write that e-book, don’t forget to show it to me. 🙂
Yes that makes perfect sense. I can understand where you’re coming from. 😉
Seriously – I think having that acknowledgment can help to switch off the Inner Critic, which gives us a fresh boost of energy.
@ Mickey “You can’t give up on the kids, and you can’t give up on yourself.” – That’s it. It’s amazing what you can do when you have to!
@ Christine – Great tips, thanks. And good to hear they share your creative interests. 🙂
I know what you mean about getting used to sleep deprivation (although fortunately it’s not too bad for us at the moment). On the one hand it’s frustrating because a clear head is a writer’s best piece of equipment, but on the other it’s better to do something than complain that conditions aren’t perfect.
@ Jamie “It might spell the end of your sanity, but sometimes that can FEED your creativity, so no worries there.” 🙂
And thanks for sharing what an inspiration your kids have been, you sound more productive than I was before mine came along!
@ Anne – Thanks for another great story of the upside of having life reorganised around children.
@ Charlie – You’re right of course. They’re constantly giving us a fresh look at our world.
@ Steve – Thank you, really useful distinctions. ‘Mooch time’ is a great description. Being together without making a fuss about it. I like that.
@Mark – Glad to give you a chuckle. Sanity is usually overrated anyway. 😉
I just came across a brilliant article on this subject (via Patricia van den Akker): The Parent Trap: Art after Children.
A couple of excerpts:
🙂
Mark,
Thanks so much for sharing this. You’re right. It IS brilliant. It’s also the perfect counterpoint to a piece I’m working on for BabyCenter that asks the questions, “Are women penalized for motherhood when it comes to career.” I intend to make the case that (although there are absolutely some outside restrictions imposed), I think the benefits of parenthood on creativity far outweigh any negative influences.
I will read this in much greater detail later, but thanks for the additional insight and reference for my story!
🙂
My pleasure Jamie, glad you found it as inspiring as I did. Your article sounds interesting, do post a link here if you publish it online.
@Mark – Here’s a link to my related post for the moms over at BabyCenter. The lead story was about inequality in the workplace, but I thought that talking about how parenthood can inspire creativity – both personal and professional – was a nice way to end on an up note.
Thanks again for all the great insights and links.
🙂
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/the-price-of-being-a-mom/
Thanks Jamie, great post! Left a comment for you over there.
Thanks, Mark. Glad you like it.
I’m afraid your comment may have got hung up somewhere in the ether, but appreciate your note here.
Again – thanks for the inspiration. Loving what you’re doing here.
🙂
I wish I could’ve read this a few years back when I had my son in the middle of a rigorous graduate program. When I had a big project due, my mother would come over and I would lock myself in the home office for 4 to 5 hours. How fortunate I was to be able to do that. On the other hand, there is so much I have learned and think I could have accomplished everything I did without such drastic isolation. Just as I am learning to be more creative with finding time for my creative work, I have realized and developed techniques that help me parent, be present,and accomplish most of what I want and need to do.
As mentioned by others, reprioritizing is a must! Waking up extremely early or staying up extremely late one or more days a week is well worth the loss of sleep…I think of occasionally getting less sleep as an investment. Don’t waste precious blocks of time (without kids or while they nap) on short brainless tasks like laundry, tidying up, etc…do that stuff when they are present in between feedings, play time and such. Plan ahead, plan ahead, plan ahead…the night before for the next morning, the morning & afternoon for the evening. Most importantly, don’t ever expect things to go as you wish or to get any work done while they are awake or present…it will only make you frustrated and not enjoy your time with them. :^)
Sorry I missed this one Jerri. Yes, prioritising and being organised are essential. As is being present and enjoying it when we’re with them. 🙂
Having a child is the best thing that happened to me.
Although it took me 16 years to understand that.
In back-view he learned me more than anybody else.
How you wonder?
By being a mirror. A child reflects how you feel. And I am not talking about the feelings that you think you feel. It’s about the deep down feelings that you hide even for yourself.
Take everyday a moment that you reflect how your child reacts on you.
There were days that went so frustrating and everything went wrong. Other day went like a beeze having lots of fun.
By trying to understand what happend and why I was able to use it for the next day. And that is also parenting, doing it day by day. It’s all about learning. And having lot’s of fun!!!
ps: Teach them the things you know, make it understandable for them, but do it.
Thanks Helga, great insight re the mirror.
I’ve enjoyed reading this post and all your comments. I would like to add something else here, the thing I often do with my five-yr-old. As I’m setting up my painting area, I also make a place for her to work close by, consisting of several projects for her. She is very happy with this arrangement, until she wants to paint on my work. So, we also work together, sometimes. And I did let her paint the eyes on my chicken the other day, to build up her easily-bruised ego. Letting your children work with you was a lesson my mother left me with.
Another lesson, tell your children “No” as seldom as possible and only when it really matters; as my grandmother, instead, tell them what they CAN do.