And I am always grateful for specific pointers on how to improve the work. It takes the sting out somewhat and helps me focus on my craft. I think it also says something about the feedback giver; that he or she has actually thought about their comment thoroughly.

Thanks for your input.

I’m reading the Inner Game of Tennis and the author Tim Gallwey talks about this. He says that when we perceive our self-worth and value to be linked to what we do and how well we do it, we’re going to be in a pretty bad position against ourselves.

If you’re more committed to your ego and to being right or looking good, feedback is going to be a painful process. If you’re committed to excellence in your art and work, feedback – good, constructive feedback – will be welcome and even solicited.

I’m glad you found my article useful and that you will use my suggestions.

Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

And for the kind feedback for me!

Most people work on how we can protect ourselves from critique.
Yes, it is useful and important, I agree. But the perspective most people take is still that critique is something “evil”, that we will react badly and most important of all, that it is something “out there” that “attacks us”.

This angle is sometimes useful, but I find we mostly miss one really important angle that really makes all the difference, that is:

You yourself are the worst critic. Simply put, you only feel hurt from criticism you agree with. In some ways, there is no “out there”.

Defending is useful. But it does also pre-suppose you NEED to defend yourself which sets up a negative start instead of an open mind. But again, I know sometimes it is all we can do. little by little… I just wanted to bring in this angle as well.

Our “inner judge” (super-ego) is the real problem. When you don’t listen too closely to this voice in your mind, critique bothers you a lot less.

Cheers!

Naomi,
Thanks for commenting! You’re so right; we’re so full of enthusiasm for our ideas, and they just need to be shared! It’s best to have a good friend or colleague that you can share fresh new ideas with, and of course designing what kind of feedback you want at the beginning.

Thanks, Shawn. It’s fun to be part of the conversation. It’s a real treat to see how people respond to your work. The nature of art is that you create something, put it out there, and then it lives in others’ experiences, going way beyond what you initially created. So I love hearing what people think.

Thanks for admitting that it was tough to get feedback. It usually is for me, at least initially, until I can overcome the first shock of emotion.

I hope that your next feedback experiences are better. Do consider a feedback buddy!

Caroline,
Definitely try these steps with your friend. Ask her what she wants from feedback. I always ask right away what they want from me. It’s tempting to just launch in and give your opinion, but that’s not super helpful.

Recently a friend asked me to critique a piece of her writing and I have had no idea where to start (I am not a writing expert, I paint). Looking at this piece gives me some ideas of questions I can ask her so that I can give her constructive advice. I encouraged her to start writing again and I do not want to squash that flame!

@Shawn At a recent critique given in front of a group a friend was very down about the feedback she received. When we talked it came out that she had heard all the negative comments and missed all the positive ones! I think it also helps to have a neutral observer take notes and remind you of the positive later.